Piss and Vinegar?

Learning is such a pain in the ass. Once you prove you know something, just like once you prove you can physically do something, people begin to have expectations. Not name calling, this is general (but, yes, Kim, yours was among the busted links, now fixed, thank ye'kindly), but more than that, one begins to expect of Self.

Self's a pain in the ass, too.

So, putting the two together, I think I've found the worst combination yet. My brother's peanut butter/ketchup/egg sandwiches look pleasant by comparison.

Okay, maybe it's not that ugly. ...but maybe it is.

Once the highs are found, the great wonderful feelings of absolute Awareness on a beautiful summer day in a quiet liitle park in the middle of town and the gravel feels so good underfoot and the greatest Strength song blasts in your ears and you know your Dearest Friend awaits your calm and joyful return to conversation that has zero empty words...ah, that's a Moment.

It's that same Awareness that reminds of abilities and, in turn, those rotten expectations. So, ya make the choice Every day, maybe every Five minutes, to maintain that new-found wonderously glorious Self.

Until you're bulldozed. That awareness kicks back into high-gear, you see clearly why you've been bulldozed, and you realize, "Shit. Rotten abilities fell through again," and indeed, you only have yourself to blame.

Those are lows that really make one wonder what the fuck it's all for.

And then you remember that Dear Friend. And then you remember that said-friend cannot save you from your self.

And put one foot before the other, trying really hard to pretend it can't hurt any worse, keeping aware to breathe for the next five minutes.

Irresponsibly spoken Update: Nine hours later. A true-to-form Garnet "Hep."