A new topic to fight over.

I meet a lot of kids in my line of work. Big kids, tiny kids, silly kids, quiet kids - lots o' kids. I'd say at least 3/4 of them are among the statistical numbers of Autism and/or Aspergers diagnoses.

Here's the disclaimer, because I'm bound, once again, to piss off someone. I know very little about these issues. I know enough to talk about it with others, casually, but I have never lived with a kid or adult that has been so diagnosed. So, with that in mind, please, take it easy on me. Most of this is to get some feedback, perhaps learn something, but overall, to gain from others' perspectives. Those others include you. Here, too then, is the thanks in advance. (wow, a real disclaimer...what's happening to me?)

On with the show then?

Most of the diagnosed kids ("DK," only for typing reasons) that I've been around don't really seem terribly screwed up. Their parents tell me, "they're mild cases," then go on to explain first some of the kid's symptomatic behaviours, then justify their original statement of "mildness" by going through some of the "normal" behaviours their kids have. For instance, one kid goes through weeks of only eating one food for every meal (ie, breakfast cereal), but spends much of the day interacting with family members just fine. Another DK's mother told me of how her kid typically gets ticked off with siblings when playing together for wanting to set all the rules of the games and acting out when something incredibly minor doesn't go as planned. Both mentioned their respective kids' constant need for attention.

One mother told me that their family doctor had explained that it's as if these kids are in their own worlds much of the time but (and by degree of severity) interact with the outside world periodically.

After she said this, her DK came along, did something really silly (and immature for his age, I admit) but then turned to see our (adult) reactions. In my opinion, he clearly wanted the reaction. He looked for it. So I smiled, gave the "That was pretty silly!" look and his mother turned to me and said, "See? 'Own world!'" with a guffaw.

This ticked me off. I've become good friends with this woman, we share a lot of ideals, values and standards, yet she seems to be taken in with this whole ...excuse to shrug off her kid's attempts to gain attention. It felt like she'd been given a reason to ignore her own child and she was using it.

Maybe that's a huge part of it that I just don't see. Maybe her DK tends to vie for attention more than the average kid and therefore it's exaggerated, ignored when inappropriate and compensated for when I'm not around. If I'm not around to see it and it has not been discussed, how could I be expected to understand it - in that moment? (yes, for the record, I ask her questions quite often, this particular one I haven't yet because I don't know how to do it tactfully. It's far easier to write a disclaimer than to speak one without being interrupted or feeling sure that it's completely understood before moving on.)

Now the other day I met a DK that clearly had issues. At nine years old, this kid gave me the impression of what would happen if you put the brain of an 9-month old into the body of a nine year old. This boy didn't stop moving, showed interest in everything around him - for about twenty seconds - and then walked around in circles, reminiscent of a trapped animal, seeming to want more to "get into." He didn't show much interest at all in interacting with those of us around him. His grandmother (who was babysitting) had him say hello to us, individually and by name, and it was clear she was desperately trying to help him. It was obvious that she was deeply eager to see her grandson function at a "higher level." (btw, he didn't speak at all otherwise.)

This kinda ticked me off too. First, Grandma seemed a little irritated to be babysitting, I think because she also had to be in public. She had to be responsible for a kid that ...well, it looked to me like she wasn't sure of herself when it came to handling him. Like she didn't know how to deal with him if he were to have a fit of sorts before a bunch of people she wanted to impress for whatever reason and would have to step up and be the boy's anchor - without knowing how to do it. (I've known her long enough to be confident that I'm not mis-reading her.) She apparently felt it necessary to interact with him every two minutes or so, at least - as if without that, he might go ballistic. I didn't see that. I saw a curious kid stuck in unfamiliar surroundings that felt a little crowded to him but he seemed to be handling it all just fine. (Matter of fact, when grandma tried to get him to do something with her, putting him on the spot again, he made a face that showed embarrassment and a total lack of interest. He also turned away from her faster than he'd turned away from stuff in the room that he'd gotten bored with.)

His mother picked him up within an hour. I don't think the kid would've done well stuck in those quarters for three hours, but he handled the less-than-one hour just fine. He didn't cause trouble. He didn't get close enough to any of us to pose any "threat." He didn't throw his arms, objects or even his voice around the room. He just wandered from one thing to another, smiling here and there, getting bored quickly, but keeping himself to himself. "He's a severe case." His grandmother said.

I'd never seen "a severe case" first hand before meeting this kid. I liked him. I felt like I could spend an entire day with this kid and we'd actually have fun. But I don't think I'd have been pushing him to do anything outside of his comfort zone. Perhaps a challenge to show what he knows with a puzzle or something, but I would not have tried to put him on the spot at all.

So, here are some questions. Why is it that the "minor case" DKs are doing just about anything they can to get the attention of those around them, the "severe case" DKs enjoy not getting attention, but doing their own thing, and do fine until they're messed with? If they're all in their "own worlds" most of the time, why do the less-severe degree Autistic or Aspergers kids seek attention from the "outside world" so much?

I'm baffled by how many kids are being diagnosed, (and adults now as well), and how the parents of these kids present their doctors' words and treatments like one compiled jumble of excuses to brush their kids' needs off their shoulders. Really, that's what it looks like. It looks like when a kid has more energy than the parent can deal with (for whatever reason), or wants more attention from the parent than the parent feels appropriate/necessary, well...why not come up with a reason to push it all aside? Kids with energy, kids who need to cling a little more than others, are inconvenient in today's society. It's so much easier to drug them up, find excuses, and make them fit the mold that we all want our kids to fit into - properly behaved, clearly focused and easily functioning human beings.

Yep. Now I know I pissed you off. I don't believe those things to be true. All I'm doing is pointing out that this is how things appear to be to someone who doesn't know, doesn't understand, but wants to.

I want to know how those horrible statements I just made are NOT true. I want to know why "symptoms" such as long-term, intense fixation (such as the breakfast cereal story), which has historically been attributed as "special abilities" to such greats as most of the "Fathers Of The Sciences" but is now regarded as something that necessitates medical treatment. I want to understand what would be so horrible about giving a kid a ton of extra attention instead of some little pill. I want a reason that does not include any reference to simple inconvenience.

Maybe I do have some first-hand knowledge after all. I've known many who have had to be the center of attention at all times. A few in my family, a few that were friends in school. Looking back, sure, there were times it was just plain exhausting to be around them for more than an hour, sometimes twenty minutes. But I never considered the idea there might be something about them that needed medical treatment. Maybe I'm fishing.

Your turn. Set me straight on this one?